


End of an Era

by heartsopenminds



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gen, Project Sphere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22837255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsopenminds/pseuds/heartsopenminds
Summary: Phil had thought it would be a difficult decision to make, but in the end the right answer was obvious. He’d chosen Dan.Of course he had; he always would.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	End of an Era

“Right.” Phil says, voice a little shaky. “I think I’m ready.”

Dan looks at him intently. “You’re really, really sure?”

Phil smiles, reaches over and grabs Dan’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, it’s time.”

He’d thought it would be a difficult decision to make, but in the end the right answer was obvious. He’d chosen to put Dan first. Of course he had; he always would.

He clicks upload on the video, and they stare at each other for a moment, not quite believing that it’s real. But it is. It’s happened. It’s done.

~~~~~

YouTube notification – AmazingPhil: The End of An Era

“Hey guys! So here I am, back after taking a bit of a break for the last couple of months and I know you’re all desperate to know what I’ve been up to. When I tweeted about taking some time off, I saw some of your replies mentioning ‘Project Sphere’ as the reason for me being away, and you were right!

You’ve all been putting your detective skills to good use and have figured out that we’ve finally gone and bought ourselves a house. It’s so exciting to finally have somewhere we can call our own and can make into exactly what we want it to be – it also means no more dealing with landlords, thank God!

As well as taking some time out for my personal life, I’ve also been doing some other work away from YouTube. I know I’ve hinted before about some of the new projects that I’ve got in the pipeline, and I’m so excited about what’s coming up. I’m not quite ready to announce anything yet, but there will be news soon about something pretty big that’s launching in the summer, so make sure you keep your eyes peeled for that.

It’s pretty scary to step away from my little YouTube bubble and try my hand at things I’ve not done before, so I’m a bit nervous about it all, but I’ve worked really hard and I really hope you’re all going to love this new direction as much as I do.

It’s been great to have this chance to branch out, firstly because I’ve always dreamed of exploring new worlds and new ideas and unleashing my creativity in ways that haven’t been possible when making videos on my own. For this new project, I’ve been so lucky to find an amazing team to collaborate with, and I really can’t wait for you all to see what we’ve been able to create.

But there is another reason that I’ve been heading in a new direction. And this might come as a bit of a shock to you all because it does involve some pretty big changes. The other reason for wanting to try new things away from YouTube is because I’ve been planning for a new phase in my career, to make a shift away from being in front of the camera to working behind the scenes instead, to focus on writing and producing rather than being on screen myself.

I mentioned in my second Draw My Life video that I’ve had a tendency to prioritise work above everything else in my life, and I talked about how that was driven by me worrying about opportunities being missed, or my fears of not being financially self-sufficient. But that isn’t the only reason.

Part of the job of being a YouTuber is building a rapport and a connection with your audience, so as well as put out videos, I’ve put a lot of myself and my life out there on social media. For a long time, I was happy to do it. I’ve always enjoyed interacting with you all, sharing about what I’ve been up to and reading all your responses. But I’ve had the sense for a while now that for me to move forward in my personal life with the freedom to make my own choices and decisions, I need to take away the pressure of having so many people being so invested in my personal life as well as being interested in what I’m doing on a professional basis.

That feeling of being scrutinised has sometimes taken a toll on me, it’s caused me to second guess myself, or to avoid taking actions or making decisions because I worry about what you guys are going to think or how you’re going to react – just look at how long it took me to get rid of the emo fringe!

So, although it hasn’t been an easy decision to make, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is going to be that last video I’ll be posting to my channel, and that my future from here on will be away from YouTube. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, I can almost hardly believe it myself! I’ve loved this so much, it’s given me so many amazing opportunities over the years, and most of all it’s given me the relationship I’ve had with you, my audience. You guys have been amazing and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.

But I’ve realised that this is a step I need to take if I’m going to be able to focus on building the life that I really want for myself. I hope you’ll understand why I’m making this choice, and that even though I know a lot of you will be disappointed by this news, that you’ll also try to understand why this feels like the right thing to do.

As you know, this is a change that Dan has already made, although he hasn’t previously announced it officially, so I’d like to say to all of you from both of us, a huge thank you for all of the love, support and dedication you’ve shown us over the years. It has meant so much to us – every tweet or comment or subscription, every letter or hug or present – we’re so grateful for everything you’ve given us and want to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

So here it is guys. The moment is finally here. This is me, for the last time, sending you all so much love and all good things for your future, and saying ‘Goooooodbye!”

One final smile into the camera, then a hand comes zooming towards the screen and it goes dark.

~~~~~

Life goes on. He hands over his social media accounts to a publicist and throws himself into his work.

His brain takes some time to catch up with the fact that he’s no longer a YouTuber. An idea for a new video will still pop into his head but instead of grabbing his phone and opening his notes app to write it down, he’ll simply smile, shake his head and get on with his day.

After a while it stops feeling so strange to go on a fun night out and only take the pictures he wants to keep as mementos, rather than thinking about what he needs to post about it online.

The habit that’s hardest to break is when a strange, random thought occurs to him and he’ll automatically go to open his Twitter app and share it with his followers. Then he’ll remember that he’s not doing that anymore, so he’ll send a message to Dan instead, who’s been getting a lot of use out of his ‘rolling eyes’ emoji these days.

He misses it, he thinks, the chat and the banter, the sweet messages and devotion from their fans, but after a while, he finds himself getting used to this new normal.

It helps that his life is so busy, one endeavour following fast on the heels of the next. The first big work projects are launched, and then he turns his attention to other parts of his life.

All those milestones he’d wondered if they’d ever meet start to get ticked off. They finally finish their home renovations which frees up time to start planning a wedding. And it’s not long until the bookmarked pages on his laptop change from caterers and florists to dog shelters and how to welcome a rescue dog, then to surrogacy and tips for first time dads.

As time goes on, every now and then he’ll have a moment of nostalgia and watch a couple of his old videos, or think back on what it had been like to stand on stage in front of thousands of adoring fans and perform a show. It had been an amazing, crazy rollercoaster time in his life, a brilliant experience to go through, but most of all he’s grateful for it because it brought him to the life he has now.

He doesn’t miss it, not really, although he does think sometimes about the contrast. He’d joked to Dan the other day about them being old married dads living the quiet life these days. Dan had simply raised an eyebrow as he'd stuck another load of laundry in the machine and replied that any life that spent with a still-clumsy Phil, two curly-mopped toddlers and an overexcitable dog that had yet again tracked mud all over the newly-cleaned kitchen floor could hardly be described as quiet.

Phil had smiled to himself as he’d headed off to find the mop and bucket. He couldn’t help but agree. And he wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
